Review: What's Going on in There?

Title: What's Going on in There?: How the Brain and Mind Develop in the First Five Years of Life
Author: Lise Eliot
Category: Nonfiction
Rating: 4/5
Summary: Neurobiologist Lise Eliot brings together insights from biology and cognitive psychology about how a child's mind develops.

Review: Just about every day as I was reading this book, I would read an interesting sentence or paragraph out loud to Erik. I found it fascinating, and before it goes back to the library I'm going to type up a few quotes to keep around for reference.

A few interesting things I learned:

• The flavor of your breast milk changes depending on what you eat.
  
• For optimal language development, it's important to have conversations with even young infants. You can do this with face-to-face contact and taking turns so your child gets to hear you speak but also gets a chance to practice herself. Even babies need to know that they are being addressed and that they are being heard.
  
• Sensitive parenting can improve a child's temperament. This means being aware of a baby's signals and responding promptly to her needs. And no matter how busy you are, they should feel that you are available and not ignoring them.
  
• Babies prefer novelty—new places, toys, experiences. It helps their brains grow.
  
• Daily infant massage improves a baby's motor skills development.

I like how the author structures each chapter—starting with the biology up front and then ending with how you can encourage that particular area of development, whether it's a sense, motor skills, social-emotional growth, memory, language, or intelligence. (I have to admit that I skipped over some of the biological details, and that structure made it easy for me to do that!)

The book did leave me with a few unanswered questions. For example, I wanted to know what impact baby sign language has on overall language development. And the author mentions that children in bilingual homes start talking later, but she didn't talk about the optimal age for starting to introduce a second language.

But I would highly recommend this book to any parent interested in how their child's mind is developing.

Rethinking Discipline

Erik and I talk a lot about how we love Abby so incredibly much that it's going to be hard to discipline her when the day comes. We don't plan to use physical violence—spanking, hitting, slapping—in any way. But I'm not a huge fan of timeouts either. I can't see myself using timeouts on a regular basis, although I could see using them for certain situations.

I wasn't confident in my instincts about timeouts until I starting reading Playful Parenting. Here's a small part of what the child psychologist author has to say on timeouts:

Timeouts were supposed to be a humane alternative to whacking children, but they have somehow become the ultimate "positive parenting" tool. The main problem with timeouts is that they reinforce isolation on children who are probably already feeling isolated and disconnected.

Also:

I see most "misbehavior" as really just a matter of disconnection. Children who feel connected also feel inclined to be cooperative and thoughtful. So instead of punishment, which tends to create an even bigger disconnection between parent and child, try thinking about how to reestablish a connection...Reconnecting might require a hug, some quiet time together, wrestling or running around outside, a snack, or a talk. For more serious disruptions, I recommend what I call the meeting on the couch. Most punishments involve exerting power over a child, which just increases his or her sense of isolation and powerlessness. Meetings on the couch build connection and empower children. At the same time, they give us an effective way to provide real discipline: the teaching of our values and principles.

These ideas ring true to me—they feel right in my heart. But even after rereading the words now, I have this knee-jerk reaction to thinking about discipline in this way, and flashes of Supernanny invade my brain. It's hard to ignore the most prevalent form of discipline you see in the media and from fellow parents.

So this morning when I ran across an article about discipline tactics that are most effective, I was reminded of Playful Parenting. A quote from the article:

After all, it's not supposed to be about payback, though that's often what's going on, says Jamila Reid, codirector of the Parenting Clinic at the University of Washington. The clinic's "The Incredible Years" program has been found in seven studies to improve children's behavior. "Often parents come looking for bigger sticks. We tell parents the word discipline means 'teach.' It's something to teach a child that there's a better way to respond."

It'll be a while yet before we can put those tactics to the test ourselves, so I'm curious to hear from other parents about this topic. What are your thoughts on discipline? Have you tried tactics like those in the article? What has worked, and what hasn't?

First Belly Laugh

Last night, I went to a talk by Whole Foods CEO John Mackey, and Mackey talked about the concept of Conscious Capitalism. According to him, a conscious business does two fundamental things:

• Stays true to the business's deeper purpose—that is, a purpose other than maximizing profits


• Maximizes the value to an interdependent system of stakeholders—employees, customers, suppliers, shareholders, community, environment, and so on

When I got home, Erik was holding Abby while I was relaying everything I'd just heard about, and Abby was watching me intently as I gesticulated. I was right in the middle of talking about the second bullet when Abby suddenly started laughing! This was no short little chuckle like we've heard from her up to this point—we're talking full-on belly laugh!

I stopped talking, and we just stared at her while she laughed for a good 30 seconds. I've got to admit that at first I thought my child was possessed. It took a few seconds before I realized what was going on, but once I did, my single most important goal in life suddenly became to make her do that again and again. I tried saying "interdependent system of stakeholders" again, we smiled, we laughed, and we made funny noises—but no dice.

Now that I know we're not dealing with a demonic possession, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that Abby's belly laugh is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.

New Duds for Abby

Abby has now grown out of most of the used clothes we've gotten from friends. We know reusing is best, and consignment shops have tons of onesies in her size. But with her big cloth diaper butt, we can rarely snap them at the bottom. So we've been looking for some cute baby t-shirts.

An artist named Will Heron has a booth at the Austin Farmer's Market where he sells t-shirts with his designs—like the one on the right. He has a great collection of baby clothes, but in Abby's size, they're all onesies.

The last time we were at the farmer's market, I noticed that he uses American Apparel shirts. This weekend, I went to their site and saw that they make a t-shirt in Abby's size too. So I emailed Will Heron and asked if he'd be willing to order those shirts from American Apparel and put a few of his designs on them for us.

He wrote back yesterday to say he included the shirts in his weekly order from American Apparel, and we should be getting everything in about 3-4 weeks. So very soon, Abby will be sporting American-made baby t-shirts with a local artist's designs. Woohoo!

Baby's First Farmer's Market

Every New Year's Eve, Erik and I cook a nice early dinner (because we're lame and never have exciting NYE plans), and we sit down to eat with two sheets of paper. On the first sheet, we list all our accomplishments from that year. Everything from "We switched to cloth produce bags" to "Erik brewed 31 beers" to "Mae won the dog division of Run for the Rovers for the second year in a row." Okay, technically that accomplishment belongs to one of our dogs, not us, but it's not like she's going to make her own list of accomplishments—so we get bragging rights.

On the second sheet of paper, we write down our goals for the next year. Not resolutions. These are goals, which we can start any time during the year. As opposed to resolutions, which if you don't do them every day of the year starting with the first day, you are A Big Fat Failure. So one of our goals for 2008 was to start going to a farmer's market at least once a month. Because even besides the fact that local food has to travel less distance to get to you so you're helping to save a bunch of fuel or even the fact that shopping there supports small family farms, The Sticky Toffee Pudding Company has a booth at the main Austin Farmer's Market, and in said booth they sell scones and other amazing deliciousness.

So yesterday, we made our first trip of 2008 to the farmer's market, which also happened to be Abby's first farmer's market trip ever. She did great in her Zolowear sling until she puked all over herself. But then she was happy to be out of the sling and taking it all in. There was another baby there her age—a little boy—but Abby was way cuter. Even his mom said that girls are so much cuter than boys.

The farmer who sold us some eggs even helped us fully immerse Abby in her farmer's market experience:

 

Note to Self

Avoid brownies and ice cream smothered in caramel sauce in the half hour before you want to nurse the baby one last time and put her to bed for the night. Because not even a 15-minute dance to baby's usual favorite, Jack Johnson, or a midnight walk in the Moby will put baby to sleep for good. Baby will enter an ever-so-light sleep state, lulling mother into a false sense of accomplishment and relief, only to wake up the moment mother sets baby in the bed. And especially avoid said situation when husband has had three beers that evening and thus is dead to the world.

Ban BPA

Finally, a U.S. health agency admitted that bisphenol-A (BPA) might cause cancer and other scary health problems like birth defects, fertility problems, and obesity. BPA is a chemical found in common products like most #7 plastics and the lining of most canned foods and baby formula. In other heartening news, Canada plans to ban baby bottles that contain BPA, and water bottle manufacturer Nalgene is starting a new BPA-free line of water bottles.

But until the U.S. and more product manufacturers do what's right and ban BPA, you can take some easy steps to protect yourself and your family. (I compiled this list of tips from several sources, such as CHEC, EWG, and The Green Guide.)

• Avoid type #7 (PC) plastics when buying food and drink containers, toys, and so on. For water bottles, look for metal bottles that are not lined with a plastic coating. Klean Kanteen and SIGG are popular brands. For baby bottles, Born Free and thinkbaby are BPA-free brands.


• Buy fresh or frozen produce instead of canned items. If you must buy canned items, avoid buying acidic foods like tomatoes—acidic foods can cause the BPA in the lining to leach into the food more.


• Children are very susceptible to this chemical, so avoid canned formula. Breastfeed if you can, or look for other non-canned alternatives.


• Don't microwave plastics, wash them in the dishwasher, or place hot food or liquid in them—doing so causes the plastic to degrade and leach chemicals into their contents. (If you use plastic tupperware, consider replacing them with glass storage containers such as Pyrex.)

And here's an easy way to ask baby bottle manufacturers to get rid of BPA.

Moby-licious

I know every baby is different, but I will be recommending the Moby wrap to every expectant parent I meet from now on. It's the only baby carrier that Abby will tolerate being in while I'm sitting. She likes our Zolowear ring sling if I'm walking. (And not just puttering around the house either—going on an actual walk outside.)

But I tried a new wrap with the Moby this weekend—the hug hold. She was fine while I was walking around the house, so I decided to put it to the real test and sit down at the computer to work on our never-been-this-close-to-the-wire-before taxes. And OMG. She stayed asleep while I was completely still. I feel like I could conquer the world with this new sense of freedom. Plus, she's just super cute with her little legs dangling out the front.